It is not love itself that fails, it is the people involved in the love. Love in itself is perfect, however the people who fall in love are not. So it is only natural for imperfections to exist, but let us not blame love nor fear it’s existence.
Our experiences with love are always different. There is the type of love we have for our family. There is the type of love we hold for friendships and then there is the type of love we hold for our life partners. All these forms of love touch us on many levels and because we are involved with different people, we have different experiences with each one. If we can accept this concept and we can come to agreement with ourselves that all occurrences of love are different, then how could we possibly blame one experience for the other? We can’t.
However, we can look at the pattern present in ourselves. If we are recreating the same situations in our love life then we need to search and root for the cause, otherwise we are doomed to repeat the cycle. We choose situations in our life that make us feel comfortable. Comfortable doesn’t always indicate that the situation is good as we can also mistake being complacent with being comfortable. We might continue to wear the same ‘old shoes’ because we are afraid of trying on ‘new ones’. Or worse yet, we may overlook something beautiful standing before us because we are preoccupied with our past experiences. We may even allow our past experiences to stand in the way of what we could hold in our future.
It is not love that is at fault, but the people we choose to fall in love with. Often people choose partners that are not necessarily equal to themselves. They may choose a partner that is below them or they may choose a partner that is above them. Therefore, a conflict can exist prior to the relationship even evolving. Sometimes situations like these can benefit both people and sometimes they do not. Perhaps the lesser of the two will actually become motivated and strive to achieve more for themselves because they are inspired to do so by their partner’s example. Or they may always feel as though they are lower than the other and therefore become discouraged with any accomplishments they set out to complete. In a situation where one may be on higher ground, that person might actually try to cover their accomplishments to not make their partner feel any less.
What happens in both of these instances is you have two people hindering one another. If they are not supporting each other to be the best that they both can be, then they are perhaps standing in each other’s way, becoming obstacles instead of catalysts. Both people want to win, however the fight is not fair as they are not a match. This is not to say that we must find someone that is exactly as we are as a person, matching every single characteristic of our personal makeup, because we are by nature created to be individuals. However, we do have certain levels by which we choose to live and certain compatibilities we value more than others.
It is important to choose partners that we identify with both physically and spiritually. In relationships, we are there to help support one another not enable. If we enter a relationship simply out of compassion, then we are not entering a relationship out of love. The circumstance may evolve into love, but the foundation was not based on our equality with our partner, it was based on our need to help the other. This might create resentments in both individuals later on in the relationship. The truth in love is that there exists a connection and a bond on more levels than one. We become engaged by similarities and enlightened by differences. We can look at the other and perhaps see our own reflection which gives us a sense of peace and a feeling of completeness.
We can disclose our fears of love by taking an honest look at the relationships we have involved ourselves with. We may find that it was our own choices or the people involved that went sour, not love.
Rev. Dr. Meilena Hauslendale, Ph.D. is a spiritual teacher,medium,healer, and intuitive counselor. She helps transform people’s lives and connect with their higher self.