Some people feel that they can prevent themselves from any form of hurt. They insist that is this is the way that they must live in order to live happily. That may sound like a noble way of life, but you must think, if we block all of our ‘hurt,’ what else do we block? The answer is, we block ourselves from love.
People become so concerned with protecting themselves from hurt that they try to prevent people from loving and caring for them. They try to stop themselves from being close to others because that might leave them feeling vulnerable to hurt. So what happens is initially they may allow themselves to feel love or have emotions for someone but then when they feel the person becomes too close, they shut their emotions off.
Although shutting off their emotions occurs through their actions, it may not be the way they actually feel in their heart. In their heart, they will remember how they felt with the one they cared about. They will remember their joy. They may even recall something that brings a smile to their face. They might recall looking into their eyes or the touch of their skin. Their actions however will be out of stillness. They might do nothing at all in hopes that the others affection will fail them. Or they may even try to counteract their bond with this person by purposely shutting them out, perhaps doing or saying things out of the context of how they truly feel.
Their goal in some essence is to have the one that cares for them turn away. They do this because they associate love with hurt. This might have a lot to do with previous life occurrences that left a bad impression on them or it may have something to do with their perceptions of being close to someone.
These types of people are most often content in relationships where they are not fully happy. They would rather be in a relationship that offered them some level of discontent than one that offered them a level of attainable happiness. This way they can feel comfortable with the distance between them and their partner. They can be close when they want to be and distant when they want. It gives them the opportunity to feel more in control of the situation.
However, love and loyalty, live on their own terms. Sometimes we choose who we care for and sometimes we don’t. Sometimes love finds us even when we are trying to run and hide. Living alone or with distance in our relationships may prevent us from being hurt, but it may also prevent us from being loved to our utmost potential.
Rev. Dr. Meilena Hauslendale, Ph.D. is a spiritual teacher,medium,healer, and intuitive counselor. She helps transform people’s lives and connect with their higher self.