Some people choose to live life differently from that of ourselves. This goes for children, adults, and people in general. Sometimes this doesn’t always leave a lot of room for compromise especially if it is a loved one that chooses a different path. Like every path, it is composed of choice, both positive and negative. Some people choose to live honest good lives and some people choose to be self destructive and confined to their own self will. Regardless, it is their choice and their decision to live the way they want.
What if you see someone’s path headed for a dead end? Well you can at first bring this to their attention if they wish for your opinion. But after that, they are really on their own and the only thing you can do is let them discover consequence for themselves. Sometimes more action is required on your own part especially if their destructive behavior begins to affect your personal well being. In this instance you have two choices, either participate or not.
Perhaps it is considered easier to participate being that you don’t have to address the conflict head on. Many people choose this way of thinking and suffer the emotional turmoil that comes along with it. We can’t always have our hands on the strings of another’s life, keeping them from falling to the ground. Sometimes that very behavior in itself prolongs our loved ones agony, because they never reach their bottom, and never recognize their mistake.
Choosing to not participate is a very difficult task, one that requires great strength and adamancy. You have to first address the issue to the person affecting you, address their behavior, and then address the action that you are going to take for yourself. Everyone has boundaries, but it is up to us to express them to the person that has crossed them. Nobody is a mind reader and for even those that are, our interpretations can be misinterpreted. Say what you mean and as a follow up, follow through with what you say. This may be very difficult, especially if it means not contacting the person.
But in some instances this is the best way to give someone the space they need to really see for themselves where they are going and what type of lives they are living. Some will “see” and others will spiral down into the life choices they made. What is important here though is that you protected your “self” and your “well being” from being affected by their destructive path and behavior. It doesn’t mean you have to love them any less, it just means that you are loving them at a safe distance.
It is not love itself that fails, it is the people involved in the love. Love in itself is perfect, however the people who fall in love are not. So it is only natural for imperfections to exist, but let us not blame love nor fear it’s existence.
Our experiences with love are always different. There is the type of love we have for our family. There is the type of love we hold for friendships and then there is the type of love we hold for our life partners. All these forms of love touch us on many levels and because we are involved with different people, we have different experiences with each one. If we can accept this concept and we can come to agreement with ourselves that all occurrences of love are different, then how could we possibly blame one experience for the other? We can’t.
However, we can look at the pattern present in ourselves. If we are recreating the same situations in our love life then we need to search and root for the cause, otherwise we are doomed to repeat the cycle. We choose situations in our life that make us feel comfortable. Comfortable doesn’t always indicate that the situation is good as we can also mistake being complacent with being comfortable. We might continue to wear the same ‘old shoes’ because we are afraid of trying on ‘new ones’. Or worse yet, we may overlook something beautiful standing before us because we are preoccupied with our past experiences. We may even allow our past experiences to stand in the way of what we could hold in our future.
It is not love that is at fault, but the people we choose to fall in love with. Often people choose partners that are not necessarily equal to themselves. They may choose a partner that is below them or they may choose a partner that is above them. Therefore, a conflict can exist prior to the relationship even evolving. Sometimes situations like these can benefit both people and sometimes they do not. Perhaps the lesser of the two will actually become motivated and strive to achieve more for themselves because they are inspired to do so by their partner’s example. Or they may always feel as though they are lower than the other and therefore become discouraged with any accomplishments they set out to complete. In a situation where one may be on higher ground, that person might actually try to cover their accomplishments to not make their partner feel any less.
What happens in both of these instances is you have two people hindering one another. If they are not supporting each other to be the best that they both can be, then they are perhaps standing in each other’s way, becoming obstacles instead of catalysts. Both people want to win, however the fight is not fair as they are not a match. This is not to say that we must find someone that is exactly as we are as a person, matching every single characteristic of our personal makeup, because we are by nature created to be individuals. However, we do have certain levels by which we choose to live and certain compatibilities we value more than others.
It is important to choose partners that we identify with both physically and spiritually. In relationships, we are there to help support one another not enable. If we enter a relationship simply out of compassion, then we are not entering a relationship out of love. The circumstance may evolve into love, but the foundation was not based on our equality with our partner, it was based on our need to help the other. This might create resentments in both individuals later on in the relationship. The truth in love is that there exists a connection and a bond on more levels than one. We become engaged by similarities and enlightened by differences. We can look at the other and perhaps see our own reflection which gives us a sense of peace and a feeling of completeness.
We can disclose our fears of love by taking an honest look at the relationships we have involved ourselves with. We may find that it was our own choices or the people involved that went sour, not love.
There are many times and points in our lives when we will experience an indifference with the ones we love. It would only be natural to want to turn the other cheek and move on, after all that might seem like the easiest solution at the time. The challenge however for true companions is to cut through the confusion and remember your initial intentions with one another, to love. Too much time is wasted in the perils of arguments and disagreements. If you can remind one another of the love you share, you can work through the thickness of confusion.
What happens is eventually someone has to let go in the tug of war. When you let go of the rope of disagreement, there is nothing left for the other to hold on to. If they do hold on, they are merely left standing arguing with themselves. In this case, the argument may forever continue in their mind and the relationship will possibly conclude. If they let go of their hold, the two can reunite on a common footing.
Sometimes words are not solutions. Sometimes talking cannot even bring on a solution. Sometimes we just need to shut up and grab hold of the one we love and kiss them, hold them, and let them feel us physically. Remind them of who you are. Remind them of who you are together.
This does not mean that you can avoid conflict altogether, this just simply means you can place it where it belongs, in perspective. Love can have a tight leash on our hearts and a loose leash on our tongues. Be careful of your words as they are imprints on the one you love. Be mindful of your tact and manner even in the state of hardship. You may find that the solution was merely waiting for your silence.
One reason why so many people in this world continue to stay in unhealthy relationships is because they are afraid of being alone. They would rather be with someone that mistreated them or caused them discomfort than to be by themselves. So instead of perhaps waiting for the right person to come along, they grab hold of the person that is available right now. They might overlook some defect of character to simply fulfill their need for company. This can create a monotonous life pattern for the individual involved.
We are given periods of being alone for a reason. It is part of a healing process for some and for others it is a part of waking up to look at truth and reality. When someone avoids this period they never complete the process and therefore carry with them unnecessary baggage or resentments with them into the next relationship they are presented with.
A lot of times we discover that being alone can really just be a state of mind. Being alone can actually have benefits to us especially after a period of difficulty. It allows the time that we need to reflect on what just occurred in our lives. We can kind of stand back and look at ourselves from an outsider’s perspective. We can look at our roles in relationships. Maybe we performed in a manner that was not beneficial to us. Maybe we took on more responsibility than what was necessary.
Taking these moments to reflect can allow us to re-evaluate our wants and needs in a partner and most important in ourselves. We can look beyond our circumstances and gain a fresh perspective on where we would like to be in our future. We can think about what and who we would want to become. We can look at where we want to go. We can re-evaluate what priorities are the most important to us and look at what priorities have changed.
We can take the time to develop our character and regain any strength that may have been challenged along the way. Know that our periods of being alone never do go to waste. They merely prepare us for whatever greatness lies beyond our own conceptions and they prepare us for moments worth the wait.
A lot of people think that there is one and only one person out there in this physical world that they can call as their soulmate. However, that is not always true. In fact, we may prohibit our own growth by leaving such a constraint on ourselves.
Let us first define the meaning or definition of a soulmate. A soulmate is a half of the whole. A soulmate represents completeness and balance. One will commonly be overwhelmed or taken back by the emotions they encounter when they meet or are reunited. They will feel as if though they know one another. They feel as though they are ‘home.’
Some soulmates, once reunited, will last for the eternity of this physical world and some will not. Some partners are there for a certain time frame alone. In this instance, the two soulmates are reconnected to accomplish a common goal. Once the goal is completed, the contract that bound them will be completed as well.
When this occurs, it is sometimes difficult to accept that the relationship is coming to a close. One may cling on to the initial feelings they had in the beginning, hoping to somehow retain them or ignite them. What happens is that the partners have out grown their purpose together. Once the lessons are learned they are able to move on and to let go if they so choose to do so, taking with them a greater concept of themselves and the world around them.
If they choose to hold on, they can prevent themselves from growth and their partner as well. It is important to evaluate the relationship as it is, not as it was. This will allow you to search inside yourself and be honest with your own truth and emotions.
Looking at the truth can present a variety of challenges as there can be many factors involved. Sometimes soulmates unite under marriage. They may have shared assets and responsibilities. One of their accomplishments together might even be children. Some soulmates were intended to combine energy in the form of an offspring. Once this process is completed, the relationship changes form because the accomplishment has been fulfilled.
Another example would be soulmates that come together to expand one another’s concepts of life and love. They help each other with unresolved obstacles in their lives. Sometimes once the issue is overcome, then one of the partners is either removed or relocated on the physical level. Meaning the partner may cease to exist or choose to leave the relationship.
Once this occurs, the emotions are left to drain and renew. Transitions in life are bound to stir up your thoughts and feelings. Just allow yourself to go through the grieving process and know that the result is strength. You will always gain more than what you have left behind.
When the turmoil has concluded, new opportunities will be revealed and even a new soulmate may evolve. This soulmate may be even more powerful to you than the first. If you are still involved in a relationship and happen to be greeted with a new soulmate, then consider this to be your sign and catalyst of achieving a higher level in your life by uniting with your equal. Recognize that their presence in your life is not by accident, it is by choice.
Some people feel that they can prevent themselves from any form of hurt. They insist that is this is the way that they must live in order to live happily. That may sound like a noble way of life, but you must think, if we block all of our ‘hurt,’ what else do we block? The answer is, we block ourselves from love.
People become so concerned with protecting themselves from hurt that they try to prevent people from loving and caring for them. They try to stop themselves from being close to others because that might leave them feeling vulnerable to hurt. So what happens is initially they may allow themselves to feel love or have emotions for someone but then when they feel the person becomes too close, they shut their emotions off.
Although shutting off their emotions occurs through their actions, it may not be the way they actually feel in their heart. In their heart, they will remember how they felt with the one they cared about. They will remember their joy. They may even recall something that brings a smile to their face. They might recall looking into their eyes or the touch of their skin. Their actions however will be out of stillness. They might do nothing at all in hopes that the others affection will fail them. Or they may even try to counteract their bond with this person by purposely shutting them out, perhaps doing or saying things out of the context of how they truly feel.
Their goal in some essence is to have the one that cares for them turn away. They do this because they associate love with hurt. This might have a lot to do with previous life occurrences that left a bad impression on them or it may have something to do with their perceptions of being close to someone.
These types of people are most often content in relationships where they are not fully happy. They would rather be in a relationship that offered them some level of discontent than one that offered them a level of attainable happiness. This way they can feel comfortable with the distance between them and their partner. They can be close when they want to be and distant when they want. It gives them the opportunity to feel more in control of the situation.
However, love and loyalty, live on their own terms. Sometimes we choose who we care for and sometimes we don’t. Sometimes love finds us even when we are trying to run and hide. Living alone or with distance in our relationships may prevent us from being hurt, but it may also prevent us from being loved to our utmost potential.