Sixteen years ago I met my husband and my life changed from that very moment. I was 24 years old then and was traveling on my own still finding my place. I was comfortable being single and independent but there was that piece that was missing. Once I met my husband that piece would be made aware to me.
I did a lot of healing work on my own before this. Disconnecting from my past guilt, working through fears, and taking steps towards rebuilding my true sense of being. Once I entered the safety of my soul partnership, my walls would come down even further and I would be able to peel back the onion and heal even more.
Relationships take us on a journey. Each one we encounter gives us an opportunity to heal a certain part of ourselves and grow.
Here are 5 ways relationships can help us heal
1. How we treat others is a true reflection on how we feel about ourselves: When we feel complete within ourselves we have positive relationships and draw relationships that work with our growth for our higher and greater good. When we feel bad about ourselves or go into that “punishing” mode we choose partners that treat us in a controlling or punishing way.
2. We can correct our prior patterns by making changes within our current relationships: Our lives start out with patterns and the foundations we had established for us. We either have secure roots and know how to give and receive love or we have instability and insecurity. Our job as we blossom beyond our prior family foundation is to create new patterns that work towards growth and help us correct patterns that no longer serve us.
3. We can see ourselves through another’s eyes and view our true selves: Sometimes we can be too close to ourselves. We see every fault. We scrutinize our own imperfections. When we enter in a healing relationship and one aligned with our higher purpose, this partner will see beauty and will see a perfection that we don’t always allow ourselves to appreciate.
4. We can build trust and transparency and express ourselves fully: A healing relationship allows us to stop hiding. It allows us to awaken our soul and feel safe to be who we were truly meant to be.
5. We can let go of our past stories and agree to make new ones: Recognizing our patterns is just one step in healing but being willing to let them go is another step on our journey. Ask yourself, “Does this serve my higher purpose?” or “Is it time to let go?” What we leave behind with our past stories allows us to create more space for our future.
There are special people that walk in and out of our lives, but leave their footprints behind for us to remember. And what is interesting is that even though distance or years may separate you, you never forget their presence or the memories you shared together.
I’ve met a lot of people throughout my life, many associates, but true friendships and relationships were always a rarity. The older I become, the more I appreciate and reflect on the impact those relationships had on my life at particular times.
There were always the right words spoken, the right arms open at times when I needed that bond the most. And even though at the time, I recognized the value of our friendship, it is not until now that I fully can appreciate all that person had to offer me.
You can have two entirely separate lives and be miles away, but you will find that despite time passed, you will always have a relationship with that person you remember so dearly, only now it has just changed form.
When we love someone in its truest of form, it is a pure love, a love with no conditions. Love out of purity can develop over time or be instantaneous in some situations.
When we love or care for someone unconditionally it is because we want to, not because we feel we have to. We don’t love that person because of what they do for us. We don’t love them because we want something that they have. We love them because we have a special place reserved in our hearts and in our spirits specifically for them. This love is unshaken because it is based on truth not on convenience.
It doesn’t even matter if our love is reciprocated by the person we care for. It doesn’t matter if they turn their backs and walk away. It doesn’t matter if they choose to say nothing at all, because the love you have for them exists regardless of the circumstance and regardless of the condition. It is simply based on your strong sense of care for this individual. It is not based on power. It is not based on control. It is based on love’s purest intentions.
When we love someone unconditionally, we love them as they are, as they were, and as they intend to be. We embrace their past, their present, and their future as a fine intricate detail of who they are. When they speak, we listen to them. When they are still, we stand by their sides. When they need to be left alone, we leave them be, but we continue to love them even when separated by distance.
Unconditional love goes beyond just the emotions of love, it develops in the core of our being as it is there where we hold those close to us so dearly.
We have all had times in our lives where someone discouraged our beliefs or even passions in life. Maybe someone told you that you couldn’t do something because of whom you are or where you come from. Maybe they told you that you weren’t “good” enough or that you will never amount to anything. Those comments however small they may seem could actually become loud voices in your head eating away at your self esteem. For someone unsure of themselves, these statements may actually be more powerful than one may realize.
The key here is to not give up on what you believe to be true for yourself. Giving up on yourself only let’s their voices rule your own. Only you know what you are really good at or enjoy doing with your life. It helps to have people support you and believe in you, but if you don’t have that, you can still go on and accomplish your goals. Know that you will meet people along the way that will share your goals and even offer you support. But don’t wait for the support to be there before you pursue your venture. Let the belief begin with you.
Our life challenge is to secure a balance within ourselves and our surroundings. We are faced with so many interferences on a daily basis that challenge our beliefs and our characters. Maybe you have friends swaying you to stay in a certain place or job. There could be family members discouraging your career aspirations. Despite their influence the only person you have to worry about focusing on pleasing is you. Remember you are ultimately the one who has to live with the consequences not them. Distinguish what your wants and needs are from theirs’. Listen to your intuition as it is a voice all on its own.
Everyone is different and therefore our goals and ideas in life are different. Realize that your goals in life will perform a specific task in our society. As long as your thoughts are pure and nobody including yourself is to be harmed then you are accomplishing something for the overall good of our society as a whole.
When we realize the importance and the value of pursuing our own purpose, others opinions of what we want to do become overshadowed. At times however, you may feel it helps to have additional sources of positive reinforcement, but be careful who you choose to ask. Often we seek someone’s approval that realistically we would never get regardless of what we do. Remember that opinions are not laws that were intended to construct how we live our lives. They are simply another person’s view of our lives.
Other people’s opinions of our goals can provide insight, but that does not always mean that their insight is valid. Use your own judgment and know that it is ok to disagree with someone’s opinion even if done quietly. If you do disagree with them, ask yourself why. After evaluation, you may even find a different facet of your own goal or opinion that you didn’t see before. Use the disagreement to your benefit. You will often find that what you will acquire is the strength to begin developing your goals
One of the keys to obtaining a better life or living arrangement is to assess the quality of relationships that you surround yourself with. Do you surround yourself with loving relationships or unhealthy relationships? For someone that has a pattern or history with unhealthy relationships, the difference between the two may be difficult to decipher.
Healthy relationships are relationships that add to our well being, not subtract. They bring out the best of us by being supportive of our goals and our inner selves. Unhealthy relationships often cause us stress and subtract from our well being, often leaving us feeling depleted of energy.
Common symptoms of unhealthy relationships include sickness, stress, and a negative outlook of ourselves and our world around us. People who are accustomed to unhealthy relationships often stay cornered in situations like this because they do not recognize that there is another way of living. They might continue the unhealthy relationship indefinitely and never seek a better way of life for themselves or they may leave the unhealthy relationship, but not the pattern.
The life pattern is essentially the root of the problem. The pattern may have stemmed from family upbringing or any other form of influential relationship. The key is to recognize the behavior and identify where it is coming from.
A creative way to assess your patterns is to write it down. Take out a notebook that you know you will keep for years to come. Write down all the major relationships that you have had in your life. Your earliest form of relationship more than likely was a family member or someone acting in this form. Note how they showed you love. Then note how you reciprocated that love. Continue in a chronological order with any additional relationships you have had, i.e. friends, personal and love relationships.
Next make a column on your right hand side. Re-read your assessments in order, as you read through them determine whether they were healthy or unhealthy and mark it down in your right hand column. Having an overview of your relationships right before your eyes makes it easier to ‘look’ at. You may actually bring issues to attention that you were not aware of before. For some this may even be a rather emotional exercise, but be reminded it is an exercise encouraging growth and healthy behavior.
Whatever your circumstance take time to assess your own involvements and choices with relationships. Do you always pick a controlling relationship? Or do you always pick a relationship where you are the enabler? Are you respecting your own boundaries while you are in a relationship or are they being sacrificed? Are you always compromising your time and energy to please another? Or are you always compromising your morals or beliefs? Are you maintaining a balance with yourself and other activities? Or are you focusing so much on the other person that you are not taking care of other obligations and priorities?
All of these questions will help you identify the quality of choices you are making when you are choosing relationships. Once you identify your pattern, you can no longer deny an unhealthy relationship. Awareness will make your own behavior and the unhealthy relationship even more difficult to tolerate.
Once you identify your patterns and bring it forth into awareness, the next process is change. Granted the other party involved will not always agree or like the change that you are going to make, but you have to take action for yourself. In the long run you both will suffer if even one of you is unhappy. How can we avoid unhealthy relationships? By learning to love and care for ourselves regardless of whether or not someone is in our lives. Once we identify our own needs we can easily work with others feelings without interfering with our own. When we establish a relationship with ourselves, we no longer have to have ‘needy’ relationships. Instead we can re-teach ourselves to have ‘giving’ relationships.
Follow your intuition. If something doesn’t feel right to you with a relationship then pay attention to those feelings. They are there for a reason. Some people can grow together inside their relationships and some may have to grow apart. The key is to look at ourselves and our relationships in their truest light.
Know that each one of us is entitled to have a loving relationship or friendship. We are worthy of receiving love just as we are worthy of giving it. True partnership fills our cups with abundance, joy, and solidarity, a gift that multiplies within our hearts and our families’.
Read more in the book Recognizing Unhealthy Relationships.
Life changes. Nature changes. All things go through this process of metamorphosis, where we begin as one thing and transform into another. We constantly go through cycles and levels of awareness.
Once we have settled into the arena of thinking that this is all there is, we are then challenged to turn the page and realize we are at the start of a new chapter and not at the end of the book.
Sometimes change comes to us by choice and other times it comes to us by situation. It is often a surprise guest in our homes, an unexpected invitation to become better than what we were yesterday by waking up and realizing what we are right now.
Change is not always welcomed, but however uncomfortable it may feel at the time, it is a necessary reflex of nature and the evolution of the human spirit. Sometimes change feels great and sometimes it hurts. Whatever our reaction, it is a mandatory transition that we must encounter to evolve and move forward.
To be that of the wise, we must recognize that doors open and doors close and they revolve quickly when needed to do so. Our challenge is to recognize when change approaches us. When we make the right choices and decisions along our path in life, beautiful things can begin to happen even in the midst of the turmoil and upheaval that changes may bring.
Take hold of change with an open mind. Go where you feel guided and listen to your instincts in the process. Allow the transformation to unfold however it should and then embrace the opportunities that become presented to you. Even what can feel like an emotionally challenging event could just turn out to be a well-guided blessing, we just don’t know it yet.